I hate to dissapoint. . .

. . .but today, I must be serious. I promise, 4 and 5 of my all-encompassing power are still to follow, but for today. . .come along with me on a journey through my thoughts. Try not to get lost or distracted in the knots of consciousness or the shiny mirrors of distraction. . . . . .

I feel that every time I come around to adoring and worshipping those around me, God finds this need to knock me back to reality. And I guess, rightfully so. I mean, I come to places in life where I realize that I'm aiming to live like someone else, or aiming to be like someone else. And while aims and goals are not inherently bad, I get sucked into the mentality that if I just act like my mom/dad/sister/friend (insert important figure here) life will work out for me as it has for them. With bumps, hills, rocky places and celebrations; but overall, a pretty decent ride. And so I get into this mindset; these formulas if you will. I try to retrospectively break down these people's lives into steps that I can follow and take for myself. But this is a tricky business as you may already know. You see, I've figured out that God really didn't create any of us the same and in that same lesson, I've learned that he has about a billion different paths to get each of us where he wants us. That path my mom took more than likely won't work for me. Shocking isn't it?

But here's the embarrassing part. I lecture. And I think that I'm all-knowing. And at times, I think that I have all of the answers. And I spend two hours trying to express to my husband the perfect way to live so that I will be his happy and dutiful wife. I give him these examples; these great people of faith and or of man-hood. These are the people that he should aim to be. And then, literally, no more than 24 hours later, here comes God yanking that rug right out from under me. You see, people will almost always let you down. Really. It's depressing to be 23 and realize that all of your idols have these huge faults that live inside them like evil, green, lumpy monsters that are just waiting for the right time to escape and ravage you. And then I'm shocked at their imperfection and I cry out to God about how I was tricked and led on. About how these people masqueraded as perfect and how they tricked me into believing that they were worthy of my worship. And he quietly and patiently reminds me, from his all-knowing throne, that no one asked for me to believe them to be perfect. No one asked me to place them high on my stand of worship. The only being who has asked that of me is my heavenly father and yet, he's the one usually standing in the back, on the ladder, just trying to squeeze his toe onto that pedestal next to Nick, and my family and my close friends. It's amazing that I continually find myself molding myself to those who have their own cracks and weakness instead of trying to fit into the perfect vessel of God and his teachings and wisdom.

Crazy. I've tried to learn this lesson 5 or 6 times now. Honestly, just check diary #3 and journal from college year #1 and year #4. And yet God just keeps reminding me. Persistent fellow that God is. Just doesn't seem to let go.