. . . Alright, I'm working on something deep. I've got another big one coming, I swear. It's all about heaven, and Jeffrey Dahmer, and homosexuals and God; but it needs more time. I need a few more days for it to sit and fester inside my head before I work it all out on here. And so, to keep up and keep occupied- number 4 of what I would do with my all-encompassing power.
#4: I would invent a better way to cook ground meat. (Hey, I warned you that this wasn't a deep post!) Now, before you just write me off as lazy or as another woman who wants to get out of cooking (both of which I'm not afraid to admit that I am) go with me on this. We all know that this ground meat cooking process is really too involved for the final product. You take red meat, fight with it for 5-10 minutes and all you ever end up with is some type of country casserole or hamburger helper. I mean really. I come from the MTV generation, I have NO attention span. Nor do I like to cook. And so for anyone like me, you understand where I am coming from. I always get this great urge to cook, I head for the kitchen, pull out my cookbook and throw the meat in the microwave to defrost. This is where I get lost. You see, by the time that meat has thawed, I'm in the other room, wondering if it's time to take down the Christmas decorations or trying to make the extension cord in my bathroom lay flat on the floor. I have meat rotting in the microwave and by the time I remember that it's there, I've already had a bowl of cereal because I was hungry and needed something to eat.
Okay, you say, so it's the thawing process where you get lost. We all do that right? I mean, I can't count the number of days we all came home in the afternoon only to find dad's morning coffee sitting cold in the microwave. Happens to the best of us. But let's say I even start with thawed meat. It's into the skillet and I'm waiting for it to cook. And I'm waiting, and waiting, and waiting. And again, I'm off to the living room to watch the commercial on TV and then I'm out on the front porch or cleaning up the bedroom. This time even more tricky because now I have an open flame and a pan of raw-ish meat.
It just seems too involved!! I'm not trying to make a gormet meal, I just want some casserole or hamburger helper and I feel that in 2005, I shouldn't have to stand over a hot stove in order to make that happen. There's gotta be a better way!! (. . . and there is Kevin!. . .) [sorry, that was a Friends sidenote] It's just ground meat people. If we can invent pickleloaf (ick) and bologna, why can't we come up with a shorter, more time efficient way to cook mashed up cow?!? ou may be shaking your head, but you know you agree. It's simply ridiculous. Maybe I could develop a tolerance to raw meat. I think I have friends that did. I mean, their steak is practically still mooing and they are all still alive. I will just develop a taste for uncooked ground meat! Who wants to come over for dinner? I'm cooking!. . .or not cooking but just throwing some raw stuff in a bowl!! Yum! Oh well. . . .maybe #4 isn't my best yet. We still have #5 to look forward to.
PS: My friend Brooke, nearly threw up at least 4 times while reading this post. I love you Brookie!!
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