thoughts....

It's as if my soul is just a little raw this week. Not in the painful way, but raw like open, and exposed and overly suseptible. Shirley died this Sunday. And I know that was painful in the earthly way and in the human way, even though my soul is rejoicing that she is in heaven. But I don't know if that is what did it or not. Since then, I've just felt...open?...fragile?...I don't know. I mean, I wept over the Jon and Kate plus 8 Labor Day special. I like that show and all, but not enough to be that emotionally moved by it. And today, it's like my heart is sucking in all of the Christian music that I can get. Raw, dry, thirsty. I don't really know the words to describe how I'm feeling. I feel in control, I don't feel overcome by sadness or loss- I mean, not anymore than anyone else who's greiving. I don't feel as if I'm living under a gray cloud or anything. I'm actually doing much better than I would have assumed. I'm having a great week all things considered. But I still feel as if my soul is clinging to the life raft that is Jesus' grace and peace and comfort and care. I don't know where I would be without it right now. It's as if without doing anything terribly tramatic, God has just snapped his fingers to get my attention. Nothing too painful, nothing too awful...just a little something to catch my eye, address my hurt and bring me back to Him. Maybe that's all I needed, just a little nudge to get back on track...to know that no matter what, He is still in control, He still wants only the best for me, and in the end, it is all His.